Montana: They Ignore Bill Davis Words

Capture the Flag in Montana

Okay, this post about Montana is a shameless ploy to lure in a viewer from (guess where?) Montana. I figure if I include enough mentions of “Montana,” Google just might help me out, you know?

Complimentary Montana Map & Helpful Travel Guide

You see, back on February 7 I installed Flag Counter on my blog. Now, I have not been obsessing about checking my flag/view stats. Of course not! But I do happen to know that since then, I have had site views from precisely 107 different countries (including Croatia, Latvia, and Saint Vincent & the Grenadines). And I have had views from 49 of the 50 states.

49. Only 49.

As I sat under the BIG SKY of the COUNTRY of the Philippines, I wondered, “Who is the holdout?” Well, it turns out that it’s the people of Montana.

Montana Ranch

Montana Ranch (Photo credit: csbarnhill)

Yep. Montana is the one state where no one has stepped up and fulfilled their duty by viewing my blog.

Montana residents may be too busy staring at vistas like this ranch.

But that’s no excuse!

Montana’s Many Wonders

Montana has many claims to fame (see my Map and Helpful Travel Guide, above). For one, my favorite humor blogger, Allie Brosh of Hyperbole and a Half, hails from Montana (she hails from there… but I think the sky also hails there, that is, when it’s not busy snowing.)

Here’s meteorological proof (from Google, not Wikipedia, so you know it’s true):

Montana Climate Summary
Montana State Climate Data: …… 7 3 = THUNDER SNOW, ICE PELLETS, HAIL 4 = ICE PELLETS TOTAL MONTH: 7.2 INCHES 5 = HAIL GRTST 24HR 5.5 ON 6- …

Where was I? Oh yeah, Hyperbole and a Half. Allie gives us a helpful Survival Guide to Living In Rural Montana. Here is one bit of great information she provides:

Living in rural Montana is a lot like being duct-taped inside a refrigerator box with a bear. It’s dangerous. However, there are some steps you can take to ensure your survival. In rural Montana, I mean. Not the one with the bear in the box. That’s probably going to be fatal no matter what.

Montana is also where most of the dental floss in America comes from. I know this because I had Frank Zappa records in the 70s, with songs such are this:

I might be movin’ to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of dental floss
Raisin’ it up
Waxin’ it down
In a little white box
I can sell uptown

I always found that song so… moving.

We also know from this excellent, lyrical source that dental floss ranchers er, tycoons up in Montana ride pygmy ponies.

And then of course, there’s Hannah Montana.

Just One Click

So come on, folks.

Would someone from Montana please view my site and help me capture this flag?

Maybe you know someone from Montana and can give them a call for me.

Or… if it’s not too much to ask, and you’re not too far from the Montana border, I mean, I hate to trouble you, but would you consider driving over and getting online?

Montana. It’ll only take a second…

…and I’m pretty sure they have internet there.

Seriously, Montana is a beautiful place. Check out some stunning photos by Mark Masenko

About Bill Davis

Writer, speaker and translation and language learning consultant. I write technical articles, poetry and humor, and I am working on my first novel which is set on the island of Palawan in the Philippines.
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9 Responses to Montana: They Ignore Bill Davis Words

  1. Don says:

    I could always visit your blog through a proxy server from Montana 😉 that’d give you the flag. In fact, I actually found one – I figure you’d rather earn it though.

    • Bill Davis says:

      Thanks Don, and yes… I want the hard-earned flag that comes from riding the pygmy pony myself. In fact, I DID get a view from Montana within minutes of posting the blog.

      Thank you, Google. Thank you (and RIP), Frank Zappa. And thank you, Montana.

  2. Bill Davis says:

    Thank you, unnamed HERO and MONTANA-DWELLING VIEWER (or whoever rode across the border for my sake)!!

    Within minutes of posting this heart-wrenching story, I got a viewer from Montana. I captured the flag. My life is complete and I can move on, my heart at peace. I can now take my tongue out of my cheek (not safe) and go have dinner…

    Again, thank you!

  3. I love a blogger with goals. Kinda makes this online rambling that we do seem almost not pointless and self-indulgent, yah?

  4. bjkeefe says:

    This post made me so sad I was just about to jump on a plane to Montana, just to come back to this site. But money is tight, so I, too, thank the unnamed hero who apparently arrived here just before I did.

    • Bill Davis says:

      I am moved by your willingness to help out in the midst of these challenging times. It renews my faith in humanity and it is just what I needed to give me the hope to face tomorrow (well, that, and my Montana flag). Here’s to heroes everywhere!

  5. Joey says:

    Love the map – very helpful! haha

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